Note: The following excerpt is from this week’s Weekly Vine. Sign up here.
I have spent time in numerous cities. I was born in Calcutta, where economists get emotional about unwashed buildings and the works of Karl Marx. I found my feet in Mumbai, where the entire city suffers from what I call Shah Rukh Khan Syndrome: the unwavering belief that if you work hard enough, you too can build a house overlooking the sea. And finally, Delhi—a city with a congenital heart condition (iske baye taraf bhi dil hai, iske daye taraf bhi dil hai), bad stairs (ask Humayun), and signs that say, “Stalking is a crime” or “No firearms allowed.”
But jokes apart, Delhi is the perfect city to live in if you have the XY chromosome, prefer low rents and wide roads, have delicate taste buds, and need a functioning public transport system. Even the normally bellicose, belligerent people who love sororal greetings are fine when you explain the true nature of your patriarchal parentage.
The only problem is the two months when a combination of factors turns the city into a gas chamber, making young men ask, “Tu janta hai mera baap kahan hai?” as opposed to “Tu janta hai mera baap kaun hai?”
Which brings me to election day, where AAP (10 years in power), BJP, and Congress are tussling for the love and affection of Delhi voters. At the time of writing (and before I go to vote), the manifestos of the Aam Aadmi Party (AAP), Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), and Congress read like wish lists of quick fixes rather than long-term solutions. The buzzwords? Cash transfers, free electricity, subsidized education, and healthcare. But what about Delhi’s chronic issues like pollution, women’s safety, and crumbling infrastructure? Forgotten like yesterday’s chole.
Earlier, I had joked on X: “Who called it Delhi elections and not ‘Choke Me Daddy’?” Sadly, not a single Delhi voter took offense, suggesting that, like Sisyphus, we have accepted our lot—that no matter which “Daddy” comes to power, they won’t be solving the chronic pollution issue that plagues the city every winter.
So, who am I going to vote for? I guess whoever makes the best AI videos.