Nonsensical Nemo’s Neurotic Notes on the News: June 2
NNNNN is not meant to educate or inform and aims to be the literary equivalent of a Faberge egg or an African Studies degree, which serves no value othe
Nonsensical Nemo’s Neurotic Notes on the News (NNNNN) is not meant to educate or inform and aims to be the literary equivalent of a Faberge egg or an African Studies degree, which serves no value other than to entertain.
Today’s newsletter consists of hot takes on the CBSE Class XII cancellation, Juhi Chawla's fan trolling the Indian judiciary, a brand-new Hardeep Singh Puri and violence against doctors.
Cancel culture went up a notch on Tuesday, as the Chief Exam Warrior announced that Class XII Board exams would be cancelled, and the results would be decided by “well-defined objective criteria” and those who are “unsatisfied will be allowed to appear in the exams”.
While the jury is still out on what constitutes “well-defined objective criteria”, NNNNN has a host of ideas.
Aspirants should be judged by the modern standards of success as opposed to the archaic vestiges of a colonial system. Marks (unlike Marx) are a clear instrument of capitalist oppression.
A better gauge of academic worth should include:
1) Total number of Instagram followers/ YouTube subscribers / Twitter followers.
2) The amount raised on Patreon, Ketto or any other crowdsourcing platform.
3) The number of FIRs filed against one for hurting sentiments. Bonus marks for going to jail.
4) The number of times one has used the words ‘intersectional’, ‘Brahminical patriarchy’ and ‘oppression’.
5) Lasting longer than 10 minutes in any Clubhouse room.
Speaking of Clubhouse, how is it that people who couldn’t stay awake for 10 minutes during a college lecture, can somehow listen to an RTI activist speak for 3 hours?
The Juhi Chawla Reunion
While we’ve all been talking about the botox-sponsored FRIENDS’ reunion in which Joey and Chandler looked older than LK Advani, we got our own 90s revival today thanks to Juhi Chawla’s tryst with 5G where M’Lords finally discovered the perils of an open forum and two-way communication.
Chawla’s decade-long crusade against ‘cell phone towers’ logically led to an online session (which one assumes Chawla joined using wi-fi) of the Delhi High Court.
Channelling her inner Kejriwal, Chawla shared the link on Instagram which saw M’Lords being serenaded by a hardcore fan who sang her top songs. Sadly, his skills went unappreciated, and the desi Cacofonix became the subject of a contempt notice. On the bright side, if this tragicomedy does not epitomise the perils of judicial overreach and the fault in our stars then nothing will.
The brand new Hardeep Singh Puri
Former diplomat and Housing Minister Hardeep Singh Puri seems to have opted for a recent avatar upgrade. One of the more sober members of this Modi cabinet, Mr Puri greatly angered RW Twitter by helping out an ideological opponent – one who has been known to wish for the deaths of bhakts – during the COVID-19 crisis. This earned him a lot of brickbats from RW Twitter.
However, Mr Puri seems to have discovered a new pugnacious avatar to make up for his ‘Dawa for Duas' phase by going hammer-and-tongs after people opposing the Central Vista project.
War on Docs
There was a time when one only saw Ramdev when he was next to a septuagenarian BDSM enthusiast and teetotaller. Now, he’s on every channel mouthing new inanities and driving up vaccine hesitancy even as he badmouths doctors. And today, several Twitter handles of a certain persuasion were quick to draw a causal link between Ramdev’s utterances and a mob that thrashed a doctor in Assam. Sadly, the mob’s religious identity ruled out any chance of holding Ramdev accountable under the Brandenburg Test for free speech.
All in all, one really feels bad for docs who spend at least three decades of their lives studying while their intellectual peers start earning the big bucks. There are very few seats in higher specialties, poor infrastructure, and accusations of avarice even when one starts earning a little bit of money.
And finally – TODAY I LEARNED (TIL)
And finally, today I learned that there’s something called a Bear Flag in the gamut of Pride flags which ostensibly celebrates secondary sex characteristics such as growth of body hair and facial hair.
If that’s an orientation, then we all owe Anil Kapoor an apology for our abject ignorance of his true orientation in the 90s.
Peace out hombres. See you tomorrow.