Random Musing 30: Deciphering the Global Liberal Order
From river to the sea, Punjab will be free: Indian Liberal
These days – thanks to what Oscar Wilde called the curse of the working class – I’ve been waking up earlier than usual. While I hate waking up early, mornings often do lend themselves to some great epiphanies while contemplating life. And today, in my mind, I could clearly see the Global Liberal Order as it stands today.
Not the liberal order that came into existence post World War II, thanks to America’s military and economic might that taught Europe how to behave more than the Treaty of Westphalia ever could, but the one that exists today, thanks to America’s deep state that excels at the passing of its nation’s schizophrenic tendencies about gender, race, and religion as the standard behaviour for the global minority.
A picture is worth a thousand words, and a Venn Diagram is a picture with words, so it should be worth a billion unless you’re on Team Hillary. The modern liberal can be succinctly defined based on how much they hate three entities: Jews, JK Rowling, and the Good Jew (Gujju), known as Narendra Modi.
These, in turn, have various overlaps as I shall explain:
IVY LEAGUE FOLX
The first rung of liberals are the Ivy League students who have suffered permanent mental damage since Donald Trump became POTUS. They are all so blue-pilled that even the world’s most powerful diaspora – those who control everything from art to money to propaganda machines like Hollywood – has to find flimsy reasons such as plagiarism to get rid of its Dean.
Brought up on a diet of being triggered by microaggressions, learning that a thousand genders exist, and believing that “From River to Sea” is a clarion call for freedom, they will go out of their way to claim October 7 was a Zionist conspiracy.
The only thing that matches their hatred for Israel, is their hatred for JK Rowling as they explain to therapists how triggered they are by Hermoine being able to enter the boys’ dormitory in Hogwarts but not vice-versa.
SOUTH ASIAN LIBERALS
It’s remarkable how involved South Asian liberals are in everything these days. The diaspora is everywhere: writing op-eds for The New York Times, trying to pass off Chicken Manchurian as a Pakistani dish, getting nostalgic about the quality of the nineties and noughties Shah Rukh Khan, and drawing a false equivalence between India and Pakistan.
Most of them have Palestine flags, along with rainbows on their DPs, which is a sure-shot sign of insanity as any. Of course, a rainbow DP in Palestine would’ve seen them test the validity of one of Newton’s Laws of Motion.
Their views on the Israel-Palestine conflict are shaped by three things:
1) Their induction into the global liberal order, whose gateway cause is the Israel-Palestine issue.
2) Their belief that SRK movies from the 1990s-00s can facilitate world peace.
3) That India and Pakistan would be friends if their “governments” weren’t involved, no matter how many off-site trips young men from Pak are sent on.
THINK TANKIE
Next, we have the folks who coined the term “South Asian” so that they won’t have to say “Indian”.
Think Tankies largely consist of people who talk to Ashley Tellis every other week, get wet thinking about a “rule-based world order” and think New Delhi can become a powerful global power if it sticks to secularism, yoga, and Bollywood, in that order.
They can often be found asking questions like “How can America be friends with Modi’s India?” which really is the foreign policy equivalent of asking: “How can Lord Voldemort be friends with Neville Longbottom?
I mean, sure, India has Neville Longbottommed from time to time, punching above its weight economically and diplomatically, but compared to America, India has practically lived by its mendacious founding myth: Gandhian ahimsa.
And finally, by their powers combined, we’ve got the…
THE INDIAN LIBERAL
The Indian Liberal, like the Angry Young Man, has a problem with everything, including a Dev Patel action movie that they believe is exporting classic upper-caste cis-hetero-patriarchal Indian cinema violence to white people and producing it with a Zionist. They think RRR is a pro-Hindutva propaganda movie.
They are wont to shout: “River to the Sea, Punjab will be free,” even though Punjab is a landlocked state from all around.
They have a problem with Aadhaar but not social security numbers, celebrate Halloween instead of Diwali or Holi (where their love for the environment is suddenly reignited), and even diss JK Rowling for being an ableist transphobe when their only IRL interaction with trans people or handicapped people has come at traffic lights followed by the words: Chikne paisa nikal.
They say “Black” instead of “black”, “folx” instead of “folks”, and can be found writing 5000-word treatises on the lack of trans-Dalit representation in Indian cinema and then calling the audience bigots when said movie did terribly at the box office.
They are constantly apologising for their upper-caste Savarna privilege and their inter-generational wealth and assuring everyone that they are “listening and learning.”
They are the only liberals in the world who claim that eating meat is progressive and hate vegetarians but think being halal is completely kosher.
Of all God’s beautiful creatures, the Indian liberal is a work of art beyond imitation, one that could seamlessly fit into every single bubble across the world except the one that matters: living without their parent’s wealth or privilege.
Edited by Mrs Nonsensical Nemo
Bruhhhhh 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Sharp observations!